I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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