accomplished twins. life is a go
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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