I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
