And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
