and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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