well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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