On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
