And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
