she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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