is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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