i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
