that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
