what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
