Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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