sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
