she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
