Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
babies were throwing up all over the place
that's an acceptable place to lick
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
