Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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