Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
tell me about the fingering
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