i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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