No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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