well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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