she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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