he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
