All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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