I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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