Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
