I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
