this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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