Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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