Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
