i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
