Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
