i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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