She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
