please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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