using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
