there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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