if i can run in heels then i can drive
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
