Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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