Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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