the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
