More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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