Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
