dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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