Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
