I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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