today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
