I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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