i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
