she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
