Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
