my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
