I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
