I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
