boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
